


Of love, and how we show it

by christinajoanne



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, OkiKagu - Freeform, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-24 07:39:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12008124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christinajoanne/pseuds/christinajoanne
Summary: He had loved her before he even knew what love was





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fic takes place AFTER chapter 551, when the shinsegumi is leaving

He swears her voice mirrors the swift wings of birds.

His knuckles turn white as his fists clutches the white sheets above her head. It is not usual of him to bite his tongue, especially in her presence, but tonight he knows a better use and place for his mouth. Her nails dig into his scalp as his teeth gently bites the curve of her right breast.

“China, I -”

Her chest presses urgently into his thirsty lips; and he allows the sleek sharpness of her nails to trail down his back and leave a mark. And it’s almost like she is holding onto something that she feels like she is losing.

“More, more –” she gasps, the room filling with a scent of musty heat, the white moon peaking through parted shoji doors.

Her fingers dig into his back a little deeper.

“Sougo.” Her voice propels the rhythm between her legs, and a part of him understands that although he is on top, it is she who is controlling the way they move.

The Yato girl thrusts upward, plunging him inside heat in a surprised break of rhythm.

“China…”

As an octave rises over the last, he holds in the feeling of lost and elation that crosses him.

Sweat drips down his brow as the man grits his teeth and pushes a forceful thrust into her; reaching the deepest place it can possibly touch. The combined scream of pain and pleasure that echoes between the numbing conscience of his mind, jostles him; and she watches as a mixture of emotions flicker in the reddened pupils of his eyes.

“Sougo.”

Her voice is damp; and he presses his mouth desperately against her own as their movements increase. It’s painful — the place between her opened legs. It’s painful — watching his eyes rim with water. It’s painful — the ache in her own chest.

She bites her tongue; a part of her her wants to tell him to stay. A part of her wants him to protect the town like he always has. But instead she welcomes the ache, embracing him tighter.

“If is this is my last night with you. Give me a memory I can use.”

His hand reaches between them; his fingers brushing the curls aside. He teases her for just a moment – memorizing the way her neck arches against the sheets before his digits settle over the the place they are joined. Her back arches as his fingers finds the place that causes her insides to swell and thicken around his length.

“Let this be the way we remember us.”

Their words jumble against parted lips and he wishes – he wishes — he wishes —

It ends with their names gasped into the night air, the warmness in her belly entering her in a comforting embrace; and it’s impossible to control the tears that slip between closed lids.

He buries his head into her neck, whispering her name; promising that one day – he’ll be back.

“China…I…I -”

She stops him from saying the three words he wants to say, into her ear. 

“We don’t need any dumb words of farewell, remember?“

He nods reluctantly, wiping his face with his palm and sighing loudly.

“When you come back. I want to hear what you want to say.”

His reflexes are still as quick as they are in the war zone.

He catches her death grip in his hand. Her chuckle is all the reward he needs. “Thought I’d surprised you.”

He presses his lips to her fists as he whispers, “You better not lose to anyone else.”

She nods as her hands lazily smooth the hair at the back of his head.

He rests his ear against her chest; the thudding of her heart soothing him to a calm slumber. “You better not lose this to anyone else either.”


	2. Chapter 2

The battle nearly finishes, and his first thought is to get a better look.

Her waist seems more slimmer, her hair looks longer, her face more delicate.

It’s an unspoken exchange that passes between their gazes, and they swear in the noisy battlefield ground around them, all they hear are the voices of their past selves promising the other to never forget. 

He’s sure by the way that Danna knowingly looks at him, that his thoughts are escaping him through his own eyes; that his gaze admits countless admissions for the young, yato girl. He can no longer hold onto the secrets of his chest by keeping it behind an unmoving mask. Instead of giving a warning leer, she surprises him and smiles at him with those older eyes.

His voice catches in his throat, and all those nights where he thought about the right words to say when they'd reunite, escapes him.

And he has to catch himself.

She doesn’t hold herself back anymore, and he knows by the way Danna pats his back in permission, that he shouldn’t either.

He takes the first step, and with the sounds of screams in the background, swords slicing through guts, he does the most romantic thing he’s ever done in his life.


	3. Chapter 3

They’re older when they reunite.

Sharp eyes and purposeful curves replace the naive tongue and immature chest he last remembered.

There is something experienced in her movements as they embrace beneath the sheets; and his eyes cloud. He doesn’t ask, but he knows by the minimal pain she experiences, that someone loved her.

They’re 24 and 20.

He doesn’t expect anything; especially from her, but he hopes she’ll allow him to be the one to love her next and last, and forever.

Her nails scrap down the length of his broad shoulders and she contemplates whether his back has always been this large. Her nails dig in deeper, clinging onto something she’s not entirely sure what.

He presses closer and she can’t help but cry out his name and buck.

How many years have passed; how many years have unraveled without this; they whisper.

They finish, their voice but a whisper of the other’s name. 

Years, she thinks. For years, she hoped.

She wants to tell him about her father and brother; she wants to ask him about the Shinsengumi rebuilding rumors, but instead she climbs on top of him.

He holds her to him as she settles her head on his chest; he’ll ask her tomorrow he thinks. He’ll never leave this; not her, not them, not this moment. 

In a brief moment of uncharacteristic tenderness, he brushes the top of her head with his lips, and he knows that time has not been kind to them, but fate has.

He shakes his head, he rather not think of the wasted time.

For now, he’ll enjoy his realized dreams and thoughts in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

It's her reluctance that holds them apart; it's his heart that he hopes, can mend it. 

She doesn't want to be held back from anything; not from herself, not from her family, and not from him. 

She's afraid to give too much; afraid to receive too little in return. She doesn't need anything to stop her; and if that means traveling across the universe for her endangered race, or even just - walking down the road for some soba noodles - she doesn't want any setbacks, doesn't need anymore hurdles. 

He promises her that her dreams won't take a backseat, he'll be there following her; supporting her - taking whatever she is willing to give, and yielding anything she is willing to take. 

She breaks then - also explaining that she can't be what he needs. She knows how much family meant to him; means to him, and explains how she has nothing to base herself off of. 

Her memories blur, and all she remembers is rain, lots of rain and partings - and chasing. 

He holds her close; telling her that he doesn't ask for much, and that he doesn't have much of an understanding of the word family, himself. 

He hopes that they can build the meaning together. 

With tearful eyes, and shaky fingers, she accepts his ring; his beautiful promises in her ears causing her heart to take flight.


	5. Chapter 5

The blond-haired man knew that if it weren’t for the potentially dangerous circumstances that he and his brother-in-law had gotten themselves into, his wife would have already taken it upon herself to make their wounds herself.

Sougo watches cautiously as Kagura’s fingers worriedly, and uncharacteristically, examines the punctures over his chest and arms.

He smiles to himself; her sign of concern a rare treat of its own. He bites his tongue as her darkening gaze seeps through her and into the fingernails that dig into his skin. 

Her eyebrows knit together in annoyance as her stare jumps from her husband’s worried and guilty face to her brother’s smiling countenance. “Not another one!”

She shouts the red head’s name, and the man merely shrugs his shoulders.

“I was testing out my brother-in-laws skills,” he says in a jest; the man’s ever lingering smile nipping at his lips. “He won’t be much of a protector by the time you hit your second trimester.” 

She’s about to shout a remark before she’s cut off.

“And you’ll be any better?” Sougo asks smirking as Kamui turns and Kagura catches the sight of her brother’s bloody, torn appendages. 

Kagura watches Kamui’s brows knit together in anger as he walks and kneels in front of Sougo, “Hey, you - don’t think I’ll ever forget our first fight. She’s holding an endangered race in there. If your current skills are anything like from before, it’s understandable I’d be worried. I’m still after your head, and don’t think you being my brother-in-law changes one thing. ”

“What did you say?” Sougo shouts, picking up his sword, and pushing against his wife, ready for a second fight.

“Bring it on!” Kamui shouts, his knee buckling from his already bruised ankles.

It’s at that exact moment that the two boys feel a heavy snap crack at the angle of both their wrists.

They turn in horror as they watch Kagura clench at their limbs, her smile clearly showcasing her Yato origin of being blood-thirsty.

“And who’ll be the ones to protect the two of you when I kill both of you now?”

—-

Miles away, Gintoki lifts his head from his Jump comic.

“Shinpachi, did you hear that?” 

“Hear what?”

Gintoki places his comic down as he wraps his arms around himself and shivers, “It’s was like a scream, like a desperate scream.”

“It was probably the wind, Gin-san.”

—

After a trip to the hospital, the boys agreed that Kagura did not need any protecting.


	6. Chapter 6

He places his trust in it; in her; in them.

The toddler jostles in his lap as they play in the dim light of the Shinsengumi compound.

He looks around the room; the modest bed in the middle, the small, but big enough dresser in the corner; all of Souchirou’s toys which aren’t localized in one spot.

It’s small but it’s his.

His eyes study her; the way moonlight from the ajar shoji door hits her cheek just enough to embolden the blues of her eyes.

Her eyes are gentle as her hand rests upon her protruding stomach.

She says it’s a boy.

Another boy.

The mere thought of it causes a smile to peek at his lips.

“What cha’ smiling at, sadist? You need to poop or something? Here hand me, Sou-chan. You can still make it if you run for it.”

She extends her small hand to him.

It’s small but it’s his.

He shakes his head, catching her off-guard as he laces their hands together and places a sweet kiss to her lips.

He has her in his arms; their toddler and unborn son between them.

It’s small but it’s his.

“No,” he whispers in a reply, his voice only above a whisper. “Was just thinking about stuff.”

He hears their son gurgle and he watches his wife roll her eyes as red peppers her cheeks. 

He places his trust in it; in her; in them. He holds on to it tighter. 

It’s small but it’s his, and it’s enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Playing catch is dangerous - that's his first thought. 

Especially considering that one of the throwers is of Yato descent, and the other two are half ones. 

But despite it all, he's never been more prouder. 

He closes his eyes for a brief moment and he see's himself as his two blond, sandy-haired sons; his sister laughing as she throws him a ball. 

His oldest son causes a break in his thoughts, "Papi! Papi! Mami wants to throw now, she says you're a little #s%62Hj and that she better take the lead instead." 

His next move is to grab his bazooka. 

"Now, look and learn boys," he says in a half-grin, lining up his shooter at his wife's head, "Playing ball isn't really about who is leading who, it's really about making sure you get point A to point B." 

He watches the red head shout a bunch of obscenities before taking off in a run, her middle finger telling him exactly how much she is enamored with him. 

'I hope this never ends,' he thinks, as his eyes line with unshed tears. His sons laugh in the background as they run around the field, the other families in the park immediately taking off in fear. 

A pain in his chest tells him otherwise.


	8. Chapter 8

She's an endangered race - powerful, vicious, and fleeting. 

And because of her background, he understands that she holds a duty to her people. 

It's a bizarre request and the first time it's even suggested, he has his bazooka out, his sword stabbed into the other man's chest. 

His eyes are red, glazed with anger, rage and - killing intent. His thoughts merge and then dissolve; her smile, their children, their moments together -- slowly disappearing before his eyes. 

He can't let him - of all people - take her away from him. 

"Sougo!" she calls his name, holding his arm and preventing him from twisting his sword deeper down his trunk. 

For a brief moment, he's enraged with her: for stopping him, for even contemplating it. 

Doesn't she know how much she means to him, how much their family is to him?

"Sougo, please," her voice is hitching as tears stream down her face, "I think Kamui, may be right."

He viciously swings his arm out of her hold, and the rage on his face has her reeling, "I can't believe you're even considering this bullshit!" 

He redirects his face to the smiling man beneath him, the sword still buried deep in his thorax, "Find someone else!" 

"If I could, if there was even a second option - wouldn't you think I'd be there, instead of here?" 

The man grabs the sword in his chest and twists it up and out; blood drips down his fingers and forearm in deep red streams. He gets up on steady legs and brushes the dirt off his pants. He lifts his head up and smiles, "It's not as barbaric as you're making it seem to be, brother-in-law. Tell him, little sister. Tell him how Yatos view pure bloods." 

Sougo steps in between them, blocking the man's advancing steps, "Leave now." 

Kamui sighs and redirects his gaze toward his sister, "You come with me for a year or two. We do the birds and bees thing here and there, and you give me a heir. And done, you won't hear from -"

Another punch causes Kamui to fall back, comparable rage now breaking the man's calm facade, "If you'd only let me finish -"

"I'll finish you here and now," Sougo shouts as he grabs his bazooka and starts shooting, the man dodging the bullets with quick feet. 

They fight, fist to fist, the ground turning from gravel to mere sand in moments. "Listen, brother-in-law. I have searched the planets for ten years. As Yato King, there isn't any woman that I have yet encountered that has the same amount of shear strength that she does. You've seen her when she went wild during the death of your third son. You've probably heard stories of when she went crazy with her fight with Abuto years back. If anything - she's the perfect candidate to be the mother of the new generation for our dying clan. There aren't many Yato women alive anymore! Our race is dying!" 

Another bang has the ground shaking before Kagura is between the two men, her arms out. 

"Idiots! Stop!"

Her voice stops them; her hair swaying in the wind as she hides her face. 

The next sound has the blond-man shaking. 

She turns her head toward her brother, "I'll think about it, okay? In the meantime, leave."


	9. Chapter 9

He holds her close; her hair twines between his fingers as she counts his finger nails over and over again. 

Her naked body plies into his own as they twist and turn between the sheets; their forms touching but not becoming one. 

"Don't leave us," he whispers. His hands dip down to her hips, almost as if he was attempting to hold onto something. 

"It won't be long - I won't be gone for long," she answers albeit lamely. 

"Leaving is leaving, China," he points out, making an effort to use her nickname to indicate his annoyance. 

"My people though, Sougo. Kamui - he, I think that...It'll only be for a little bit." 

He sighs as he fits himself between her legs. She doesn't even have time to make a retort before his fingers glide down between them, holding her tiny wet, folds open to him. Without warning he grasps himself and in a swift push, he's inside her; moving them in a quick tryst. 

Her response is only a quick squeak, before she's crying out into his neck, holding onto his shoulders as he presses hard thrusts into her as deep as he can reach. 

"I'm sore already, Sougo, it's - it's --" Her back arches as he reaches a particular spot. His thumb thrums down until he reaches her clit, flicking the spot until he feels her walls tighten. 

"S-sougo!" 

He dips his lips down to her ear and licks the shell. With a warm, moist tone he murmurs, "If I get you pregnant, you won't be of any use to him for nine months." 

"You won't dare!" she gasps half-jokingly, the other half - in pure worry. Her eyes widen as she meets his eyes for the first time the entire night. 

What she sees startles her. 

"Try me." 

"Sougo..." 

There is rage in the glaze of his red irises; but also something else she can't entirely describe. 

He grabs a pillows and guides it below her hips, forcing an arch to her pelvis. He presses his hips against her own, gyrating himself in circles, and making sure her clit is pink, wet, and stimulated. 

"S-sougo, please!" 

"You aren't leaving," he instills in final breath, as the eyes of a beast stare back at her. "No one can see you in ecstasy but me, no can feel this wet but me, no can know this place but me." 

He sits back on the back of his knees as he looks down at her; her eyes watering in sheer pleasure. 

"This is mines to take, mines to keep." 

She arches one last time, signaling her finish. He bends down to kiss her gently as his hips roughly press down into her and stills. She feels his warmth stream deep into her; causing her to lose her breath. 

 

\-----

**Author's Note:**

> Fic takes place AFTER chapter 551, when the shinsegumi is leaving. I also posted this drabble on my tumblr - okikagulove.tumblr.com. Follow if you can!


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